Opinion: Destigmatize age-gap relationships
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Kasey Liu, Guest Writer
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February 20, 2022
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Men loving men. Women loving women. Different races loving each other. These are all types of relationships that we’ve come to terms with as a society.
In Loving v. Virginia, the United States legalized interracial marriages, and in Obergefell v. Hodges, the United States legalized same-sex marriages. Our minds have opened to these types of relationships, but we still stigmatize one kind of relationship: relationships with large age gaps. You may look at a relationship with an age gap of 10 or more years and call it “gross,” or you may call it “pedophilia.” But when the age-gap relationship involves consenting adults, calling it “pedophilia” is invalid. Pedophilia is defined as “sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object” by the Merriam-Webster dictionary. However, adults are not children. And, not all relationships involve sexual activity. These two incorrect assumptions undermine the argument that relationships with large age gaps are pedophilia. |
Kasey Liu
Just because a relationship has a large age-gap, that doesn't mean it can't be just as healthy as any other kind of relationship. |
Despite relationships with large age gaps not being pedophilia, you may still think they’re gross or wrong. Sex scandals you see on television are often 50-year-old men with 20-year-old women. Because of this, I see where many are coming from; it’s easy to make hasty generalizations, and we want to protect the young from being exploited. But, remember that phrase you heard as a child: “Don’t believe everything you see on TV.”
Just like celebrities you see on TV are not an accurate representation of the average human, celebrity relationship scandals should not represent all relationships. Media often blows up the affairs and misdoings of celebrities for many reasons, whether it be to ensure that the community doesn’t follow the wrong role models or just to best the search algorithm, make it onto top news headlines, and gain a profit. The media is motivated to exaggerate, or even fabricate, scandals in celebrities’ relationships, including those with age gaps. Because of this, we should not see these scandals as complete truth, and we should use our own judgment without prejudice from the media to judge whether or not a relationship is sincere.
Additionally, we should keep this judgment to a minimum. Relationships are private matters. The parties involved in a relationship are the only ones who can make valid judgments about it. Despite what outside parties may think, they truly don’t have enough information to judge the relationship. Relationships with large age-gaps are just like any other, and one should not be told that their relationship is “gross” or “invalid” by anyone unless there is genuine concern grounded in fact, not prejudice.
I can say firsthand that relationships with large age gaps can be fully functional, healthy relationships; my mom recently married a woman who is more than 10 years younger than her, and she’s the happiest she’s been in ages. Relationships with large age-gaps are just like any other relationship, and they should not be wrongly judged by outside parties.
Relationships, including ones with large age gaps, should not be assumed to be unhealthy. Just like we believe people who say they are in an abusive relationship, we should trust people who say they have a healthy relationship, despite the prejudices we may hold about their circumstances.
Just like celebrities you see on TV are not an accurate representation of the average human, celebrity relationship scandals should not represent all relationships. Media often blows up the affairs and misdoings of celebrities for many reasons, whether it be to ensure that the community doesn’t follow the wrong role models or just to best the search algorithm, make it onto top news headlines, and gain a profit. The media is motivated to exaggerate, or even fabricate, scandals in celebrities’ relationships, including those with age gaps. Because of this, we should not see these scandals as complete truth, and we should use our own judgment without prejudice from the media to judge whether or not a relationship is sincere.
Additionally, we should keep this judgment to a minimum. Relationships are private matters. The parties involved in a relationship are the only ones who can make valid judgments about it. Despite what outside parties may think, they truly don’t have enough information to judge the relationship. Relationships with large age-gaps are just like any other, and one should not be told that their relationship is “gross” or “invalid” by anyone unless there is genuine concern grounded in fact, not prejudice.
I can say firsthand that relationships with large age gaps can be fully functional, healthy relationships; my mom recently married a woman who is more than 10 years younger than her, and she’s the happiest she’s been in ages. Relationships with large age-gaps are just like any other relationship, and they should not be wrongly judged by outside parties.
Relationships, including ones with large age gaps, should not be assumed to be unhealthy. Just like we believe people who say they are in an abusive relationship, we should trust people who say they have a healthy relationship, despite the prejudices we may hold about their circumstances.